Rena Olsen

I went on a bit of a rampage on Facebook yesterday. No, I’m not usually one of those people. I don’t jump up on a soapbox very often. I tend to stick to funny pictures and kid quotes. Low drama. But since the weather has started warming, I’ve noticed a trend in Facebook statuses. Here I am being whiny and soapboxy…

Soapboxing

Sometimes it seems like fat-shaming isn’t seen as prejudice, that it’s okay because being fat is a “choice.” So why not “motivate” people to change by shaming them into it? That will never go wrong. Right.

So why am I writing about this in my writing blog? Well, I got to thinking, how do we perpetuate these crazy ideals and the assumption that it’s okay to treat fat people as “less than” everyone else? I didn’t have to think too hard. Just look around. In most TV shows or movies, the fat girl or guy is there for comic relief. They are portrayed as stupid, bumbling, dirty, and certainly not worthy of being the hero or heroine. In some instances, this has changed for guys. More and more you see a heavier guy as the main character or the love interest, but usually in a comedy, and almost always paired with a beautiful woman. (These pictures are going to date me.)

Fresh Prince of Bel Air

King of Queens

Family Matters

Even cartoons get in on the gag, except these men are even more ridiculous.

The Simpsons

Family Guy

I could only think of one show where the main female character was overweight. If I’m missing any, by all means, enlighten me.

Mike & Molly

Now think of a movie where the main hero, male or female, was overweight. Seriously, I would love to know because I can only think of one. And her weight was a big plot point of the movie.

Real Women Have Curves

I so wish that we could accept men and women who are heavier as our heroes, as capable of saving the world, as worthy of love, rather than comic relief.

So on to books. Even when there are no pictures, we have heroes and heroines who are “ideal.” In all the books I’ve read, I can think of one series and another book where one of the main characters, who is completely normal, doesn’t eat all the time, isn’t a bumbling idiot or smelly or disgusting, is also overweight. And while it’s pointed out (Meg Cabot’s Size 12 is not Fat, Size 14 is not Fat Either, and Big-Boned are named such because of her size), it isn’t the main focus of the story. (BTW, size 12 and 14 really are not fat.) I just read a book called Reasons I Fell for the Fat Funny Friend. I actually really liked it, because it showed how the narrator, a guy, fell for a girl who considered herself fat, and how her perception of herself became a major barrier to accepting his affection. Except…once again, she wasn’t really fat.

We all want to imagine ourselves as the main character in the books we read. As an overweight kid, I remember reading books and not being able to relate to the main character, and, worse, feeling ashamed because of how the overweight characters were portrayed. Books were an escape for me, so those negative descriptions were like invaders into my safe place. Even as an adult, every romance has a heroine who is svelte, with shining auburn hair and sparkling gray eyes. There is nothing wrong with that, except it doesn’t leave much room for us big girls to dream. That’s why I wrote a romance starring an overweight woman, a woman who was worthy of love and actually liked herself and believed herself to be worthy. It wasn’t all about the weight. It may never see the light of day, but it was very cathartic for me, and I kind of love it.

So the point of all this is just to say, as we’re branching out beyond the norm, to minority characters, to the marginalized, consider sticking more stellar overweight characters in your works. Show that they are not just comic relief or part of the nerd herd, but people, round (no pun intended) characters who have hopes and dreams and quirky personalities and lots of people who love them. Treat them like humans. Maybe another overweight little girl or boy will feel hopeful and empowered after reading it.

UPDATE!

So, I got a few more suggestions to add to my list of big girls in normal people roles, or as the heroines. Of course, everyone’s favorite sarcastic housewife…

Roseanne

Next up, a show I can’t believe I forgot about. In Drop Dead Diva, a model dies and comes back in a heavyset lawyer’s body. It’s interesting to watch her try to adjust to the different way people treat her. I highly recommend it.

Drop Dead Diva

Also, from one of my favorite shows, someone suggested Sookie St. James from Gilmore Girls. While she does play the comic relief for the first part of the show, her role was beefed up and taken more seriously as the show went on.

SOOKIE!

I also remembered a made for TV movie that I watched YEARS ago that I LOVED because it was about a heavy girl who was SO confident that she entered a beauty contest to win a honeymoon for her and her SMOKIN fiance to Hawaii. A fat girl with a gorgeous guy? Yes, please! It CAN happen. The movie was called Beautiful Girl.

Beautiful Girl

And, finally, how could I FORGET one of my favorite musicals/movies of all time? Of course! HAIRSPRAY!

Hairspray

There still aren’t NEARLY enough of these, but at least there’s a little more hope 🙂

There are a lot of blog posts about your motivation as a writer. Why you write is important. This is not one of those posts. (Although, if you’re on Twitter, Kate Brauning had a great series of Tweets yesterday on checking your motivation for writing.)

One of my jobs as a therapist is to focus on motivation. It can be a bit of a puzzle to figure out why someone is behaving the way that they are. Most times they don’t even know. I always tell my clients that every action has a purpose. I scratch my nose because it itches. I shift in my chair because I want to be more comfortable. I punch a kid in the face because then I get attention from my dad. (To be clear, I have never punched a kid in the face. These are just examples.)

We usually have an idea of what the result of our actions will be. If I scratch my nose, it will no longer itch. If I get into a different position, my discomfort will be alleviated. If I punch a kid in the face, the teacher will call my parents and I will get quality time with Dad, even if he is screaming at me the entire time. Motivation doesn’t have to make sense to everyone, but it has to make sense to the person.

When I write, I use this same principle. What my characters do, each action they take, has to make sense in their mind, has to accomplish something for them. If a character gets all ragey because her best friend didn’t call, there has to be a reason behind it. Maybe the last time someone didn’t call, it was her boyfriend and he was cheating on her. Maybe it was because one time the person who didn’t call had been in a terrible accident. Maybe the best friend had betrayed her before. Nothing bothers me more than incongruent reactions.

That said…the motivation doesn’t always have to be explicitly stated. Knowing the character’s motivation is part of really knowing your character. You should be able to answer questions about your characters down to what they eat for breakfast, but that doesn’t all need to make it into the story. If you know your character, that will come through in their words, their actions, their personality. And their reactions will fit, because it is who they are.

AND this doesn’t only go for the main characters. Every named character in my books has their own story, their own personality, their own motivations. I should be able to sit down and write a “day in the life” sketch of any one of them, and in that sketch would be clues to why they behave the way they do. My favorite thing to do is sprinkle little hints and comments throughout that help lend credence to the differing personalities of my characters, sometimes so subtle that only I notice, and other times obvious enough that even the laziest reader will pick up on it. (Props to lazy readers…you are my people!)

That’s why I can never force my characters to do anything. It’s too obvious if they’re only doing it to advance the plot in the direction I want it to go. It’s also why I’m a pantser and not a plotter, because sometimes the way I think things should go is not actually in line with the personalities of my characters as they develop. And they’re quick to let me know that.

And when we start talking about how real the people in my head are is when we close this down… What is motivating your imaginary friends tonight?

I’m excited to participate in a blog hop about the writing process. This is my first blog hop too, so there’s that. When I was asked to participate, I thought there would be actual hopping involved, and I got really excited, but this is cool too.

You were quite possibly sent here from writer/designer/nerd (according to her!!) Felicia Anderson’s blog, Fifi the Ninja. If you’ve come from someplace else, go check out her writing process blog and explore her site! She’s pretty awesome.

The rules: Answer the following four questions regarding your writing process and WIP, and then tag four more writers to carry it on after you.

Here we go!

1) What are you working on?

Starting with a hard one. Why is it hard? Because “working on” is such a subjective term. Does it mean actual fingers to the keyboard? Or does it include everything percolating in my brain? For the sake of space, we’ll stick with projects I’m actually actively doing something for. My main focus currently is my adult dark contemporary novel on human trafficking, REMEMBERING DIANA. This project is in the final stages of editing and almost ready to push out of the nest. I also have an untitled NA contemporary WIP about a girl who falls for her roommate’s twin over the summer, and a collaborative project I am working on which is being written in epistolary style. The other one I’m excited about (and others will be too!) is my plan to work on the sequel to ABOVE EDEN, tentatively titled BEYOND HEAVEN. I have written the beginning pages, and it is the next project in my queue. Also coming up is a YA horror, a couple middle grade projects, and just this weekend a character from my current WIP demanded her own story. I will be busy for quite a while, it seems 🙂

2) How does your work differ from others in the genre?

Because I write in multiple genres, this is another toughie. BECOMING DIANA is very different both in topic (though human trafficking is becoming more widely written about) and in structure. It tells the story of Clara, who actually helps train girls to be sold. The book is broken into alternating “Now” and “Then” sections, highlighting the main story, where Clara has been taken into custody, and snippets of her life before.

One thing that I think sets apart all of my books is the focus on relationships outside of a romantic relationship. My very first book, EVERYDAY DAYDREAMS, has some romance, yes, but the main relationship is between sisters. In ABOVE EDEN, Eden sets off not to save the world, but to save her brother. Again, the romance involved is secondary to her self-discovery and the relationship with her brother that drives her actions. I even wrote a romance, ACCIDENTALLY EVER AFTER, where the best friend relationship trumps the romantic relationships of both friends. Don’t get me wrong, I love the stories of all-consuming romantic love, but I always find myself wondering about the other relationships, and how they survive that dramatic change. That is something I hope my stories are able to highlight.

I also try to make my characters quirky, so they stand out. I give them unique hobbies and habits, things that keep them from blending in with all the others in their genre.

3) Why do you write what you write?

This is going to sound weird, but I write the stories that need to be told. Whether it’s a happy fluffy romance or a traumatic story of self-discovery, I have these words and characters and worlds knocking around in my head, begging to be released. Anyone who has spoken to me at any length about how I write either comes away thinking I’m completely deranged or a magical genius. (Those are the only options. There are no other options.) Stories come to me in a simple gesture by a stranger, by something a kiddo says at work, in a snippet of conversation I overhear, from a movie or TV scene, or even from dreams. They expand and grow until I HAVE to get them out. There is no other option.

4) How does your writing process work?

So here is my writing process:
– Sit down at computer
– Stand up and get glass of water
– Sit back down, open up document
– Check Twitter
– Read through what I wrote last, make edits
– Check Facebook
– Get cookie
– Talk to friends online
– Check Twitter
– Write a paragraph
– Reward self with another cookie
– Play Mah-jong
– Write 11K

I’m only partially joking. Sometimes I feel like I’m not a *real* writer because I don’t have a “process” I follow. I don’t force myself to write every day. I don’t set word count goals. Sometimes all the writing I do is playing Mah-jong for four hours until a plot is completely solidified in my head. That is the closest I come to outlining. But through that, I am able to really work through issues in my head before trying to type out the story. I am a “panster,” meaning I just write as it comes, but in my head I always know where the story is going, even if I don’t know about all the pit stops we may make along the way. So really it’s like my pants are half on, half off. Or something. I think. Writing sprints with Twitter friends or Write Club really help out, because others hold me accountable, but once I have the flow going, I can write 10K+ in one sitting (over 4-5 hours usually.) My longest stretch was 8 hours of writing, about 16K. No it’s not organized, but it works for me. I think if I forced myself to write every day, I wouldn’t love it as much. Now, if I only wrote when I  felt like it, I might not get things done either. But there is a balance between forcing it and letting it come naturally. (All I can think of are bathroom analogies right now, so I’m just gonna leave it there.)

So that’s it! Now for the fun part. Tagging people!

Marjorie Brimer at The Write Niche – CP extraordinaire, I am obsessed with this lady’s words. I can’t wait to see her work on the shelves so everyone can fangirl with me.

Jenny Moyer – Real life friend and the person I credit with getting me motivated to get serious about writing again. She’s the perfect booster when I get discouraged.

Ellen Mandeville at Ellen Exploring – One of the sweetest people you will find on Twitter. She makes me smile daily.

Heidi Norrod – One of my favorite Twits. Heidi is great for making me laugh and is just an all around fabulous person to know, even if she won’t let me pretend we are the same person.

I am also unofficially tagging Jamie Adams, Krista McLaughlin, and Kathy Palm, who everyone should know, but who have been tagged already by others. BUT you should check them out too!

Now go! I have given you plenty of procrastination tools. Oh…I should add “follow the blog hop bunny trail” to my writing process list…

Hello, and welcome to my first ever COVER REVEAL! Woohoo! Dance party!

I’m super excited to be able to share the cover of Krista McLaughlin’s upcoming novella: BREATHLESS. You guys, this book sounds A+MAZING. Krista is a fabulous writer friend and fellow midwesterner, so you know she’s delightful. So, without further ado…

.

.

.

.

.

Okay, maybe a little ado…

.

.

.

.

.

HERE IT IS!!!!

BREATHLESS by Krista McLaughlin

Book Summary: Eighteen-year-old Lainey is the only witness to her best friend losing her life to the depths of the ocean. She stays close to the water, a small part of her hoping to surrender to the same fate. On her birthday the waters almost overtake her, but a mysterious young man rescues her and disappears.

Lainey can’t stop thinking about the stranger from the beach, and one night she finds her rescuer naked and bleeding on the shore. Jon doesn’t know what pancakes taste like, how microwave popcorn cooks, or own shoes, but he seems to be just what Lainey needs. As the anniversary of her friend’s death looms, Lainey opens herself in ways she never thought possible. But when Jon’s identity comes to light, Lainey has to save him before she loses another love to the sea.

Publication Date:  April 1, 2014

About the Author:

Krista McLaughlin graduated from Iowa State University with a Bachelor’s degree in Child, Adult, and Family Services, and a minor in English.  She was born and raised in the Midwest with her nose stuck in a book and her hand smeared in pencil lead.  When she is not cuddling with little ones she nannies, she is reading or cross-stitching.  She loves J.R.R. Tolkien and all things Star Trek.

Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/kristamclaughlinauthor

Twitter – www.twitter.com/kjmclaugh

Website – www.kjmclaughlin.com

Goodreads – https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4659722.Krista_McLaughlin

I have a bone to pick with my writer buddies out there. Something that has been bothering me for some time. Something that makes me cringe whenever I see it. This sort of thing:

“Ugh, my writing is crap. This whole draft is crap. I am a terrible writer.”

It’s become almost a badge of honor to get on Twitter and bemoan your utter uselessness as a wordsmith. To whine about how much rubbish you write. Crap crap crap. That’s all it is. To tell others that their first drafts and probably crap, not because you’ve read them, but because all first drafts are crap.

When did it become the norm for us to be so hard on ourselves?

Maybe this makes me naive. Maybe it means I’m not a “true” writer. But I have never looked at a first draft in its entirety and said, “This is crap.” Because why would I? Why would I pour hours of my time, my sweat and tears, into something, and then proclaim it garbage? Why would I then spent countless MORE hours molding that crap?

I don’t know about you, but I have never looked at a piece of actual crap and said, “Right then, let’s see if we can make this into a beautiful sculpture.” It’s not motivating to me to berate myself.

Now. Are my first drafts ready for publication? Absolutely not. There is plenty of work still to be done. Like an artist who sketches the outline of a painting, or a sculptor who has to start out by molding it into a vague shape before the refining can begin, a writer has to have a starting point for revisions. And it’s going to be rough. Of course. But if the bones aren’t good, if it is, in fact, crap, then no amount of coaxing and molding is going to make it smell any better.

So why can’t we give ourselves a break? I would love to see a writer say, “Finished my first draft, and it’s a really good start!” Then I could start saying, “Finished my first draft. I am officially a genius,” and feel a little less bad about it.

Maybe this is just my incurable optimism. I have been *accused* of being the light side to someone’s dark. And I’m okay with that.

Writing is hard enough. What’s the point in making ourselves feel even worse? And think…would you say to another writer what you’re saying to yourself? How constructive would it be if a CP returned a chapter with notes that just said, “Crap. Rubbish. Idiotic. Seriously?” Find things to love about your drafts, and lovingly fix the things you don’t. What you did is the opposite of crap, whether it makes it into the final product or not. Respect your art. And respect yourself.

Do you like how I rhymed the title? Total accident. I just sat and stared at the title bar for ten minutes or so, trying to accurately sum up my feelings about the past week in just a few words. It’s like Twitter, but worse. My original title was, “#SunvsSnow: How the best contest ever nearly drove me to madness until I figured out it was all in my own head.” But that seemed long. Perhaps I should back up.

My latest manuscript, a little story called ABOVE EDEN, has been in circulation for a few months now. I don’t want to give a lot of details, but I have entered a few contests with little success, and some Twitter pitch parties with more success. I met some of my best Twitter friends through these contests, as we anxiously awaited results, consoled and congratulated each other as needed. Still, by the end of December I had grown contest weary. Tired of formatting. Tired of waiting. Tired of disappointment. Keeping my mental health in mind, I decided to stick to traditional querying.

Then my CPs started talking about a contest called Sun vs Snow. It wasn’t like other contests. In this contest, two blog hosts would each pick 15 entries to post on their blogs. Then a team of amazing mentors would read each entry and offer critiques and suggestions. The authors would then get the opportunity to revise and resubmit for the agent round. What a cool idea! So, even though I was out of town the weekend of the contest, I holed up in a cold room with a slow internet connection and hit the send button.

I honestly didn’t fret about it after that. I had been through this process several times, and I really didn’t expect much. I watched the Twitter feed sporadically, and when Michelle tweeted about a dystopian she loved, I went right on to the next thing because my book is not labeled dystopian. I kept my expectations low, because at this point, it’s a defense mechanism I employ every time I hit that send button.

Then came reveal day. I was getting ready for work and decided to scroll through Amy and Michelle’s blogs just to see if anyone I knew had made it. Scrolly scrolly scrolly WHAT THE CRAP DOES THAT SAY ABOVE EDEN??? I’m sure my facial expression was hilarious. I clicked on it, read it through, closed it, then clicked back about a minute later to make sure it was still there. The overwhelming emotion was shock, but it was a happy shock.

The next few days were a blur. The mentors in this contest were FANTASTIC. More than once I read a comment and I was like AH-HA YES. And WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE SO MUCH SMARTER THAN ME? And then more comments came. And more. And it was wonderful and awful all at the same time.

Wait. What? Why?

Because all the advice was fabulous in its own way, but it was contradictory. Writing is SO SUBJECTIVE, you guys. What one person thinks is great might grate on someone else’s nerves. (Did you see what I did that? BOOM, WORDPLAYED!) I had to step back for a day and just let it all simmer.

As part of being in the contest, we were also required to comment on other people’s entries. There were so many great ones. So much talent out there. Then I found myself in the position of trying to help someone polish a query and first page in a way that kept their voice intact. It gave me even more respect for the mentors, because they left lengthy helpful feedback, and it’s not easy.

This is getting long. Please feel free to grab a snack. I’ll wait.

****

Okay. We good? Great.

I was finally ready to come back and tackle revisions. My query has always been my nemesis. I cringe when I think about the first batch of queries I sent out for Eden. They didn’t do her justice at all. In fact, my CP Tana told me that she basically expected my pages to be horrid the first time she read my query, and was pleasantly surprised. Thank goodness she didn’t run away after that! Most of the suggestions focused on the query, which still needed work. I punched and molded and cut and squeezed that query, and I was pretty happy with the results. The first page was less intensive surgery, but I made some tweaks here and there to tighten it, add a bit more tension, take out some superfluous information.

With a whirl and a twirl, I sent my shiny new entry to some people to look it over again. And then began the madness. More to fix. Maybe this is actually worse. I like how you did it the first time better. Add more. Say less. And the voices in my head started to take over. They bound and gagged my voice and threw her in a trunk, and I was left to figure out which combination of others’ voices to listen to. I went to bed feeling defeated, because it would NEVER be right.

After a sleep and an overfull day of work, I was back at it. I stared at the entry. And stared some more. And changed some things. And changed them back. What if I don’t follow this person’s suggestion? Will they be upset? Will they think I can’t take critique? Because I can totally take critique. Critique me senseless. (Already there.) What if this person is right? It doesn’t feel like me, but maybe it doesn’t need to. Maybe I SHOULD do it that way.

That’s when my voice liberated herself and yelled at me. Why are you letting what everyone else thinks make you doubt what you know? she asked. Who knows your story? Who knows your characters? YOU DO.

And she was right. Everyone was being so helpful, and, being a people pleaser, I didn’t want to let any of their help go to waste, didn’t want to let them down. But in trying to make everyone happy, I lost my own voice. Lost my confidence in myself and my writing and my story. I made the updates I resonated with, and left the rest alone. Tonight I sent my new entry off.

It may get agent attention, it may not. Of course, I hope it does. Even if it doesn’t, I would do this all over again in a heartbeat. Not only did I learn valuable information about how others read my query and first pages, I learned valuable information about myself. I know it sounds trite to say “it’s subjective,” but it is! Nothing has been a more prime example than this experience. It’s good to go to others. Necessary, even. Writing is solitary…the revision/query/and so on process shouldn’t be. Fresh eyes are always helpful. They open the writer up to see their work in new ways, from different angles.

But in the end, I am still the author. It’s my name on the project, and I get the final say. If I’m not passionate about my story because I have reworked it to the specifications of others, how can I possibly expect agents, editors, or publishers to be passionate about it? It has to be my voice, through and through. And my voice deserves to out there.

So thank you to Michelle and Amy for such a fantastic contest. I ended up walking away with much more than I ever expected…and it’s not even over yet! Stay tuned…

Though I have not been officially diagnosed with ADHD, I am fairly certain I have some level of the adult form. (I’m a therapist, I’m allowed to decide that.) This has been coming through loud and clear in my writing.

I have genre ADHD, and as an unagented, unpublished writer, I have the freedom to do as much genre and category hopping as I want. I like to think of it as exercising my writing muscles. I mean, you wouldn’t go to the gym and only work your arms, right? Sure, you’d have killer biceps, but would your legs be able to hold up the awesomeness of your upper body?

When I started writing seriously again, I went straight for YA. That was what I was reading most at the time, and that’s what seemed natural. I wrote two YA books, one contemporary and one speculative fiction. The spec fic was much better than the first, but after polishing and beginning the querying process, I was ready for something new and different. I started working on an adult novel on human trafficking.

This was unlike anything I’d written before. While my first two completed novels were third person past, this was first person present. Not only that, but told in alternating timelines. I’m very proud of this book, and hope to complete it within the next month or so. But because the content is so dark, I needed a break.

So for NaNoWriMo, I tried adult contemporary romance. And I loved that too. It was a fun and funny novel, easily written in a month, and well-received by my writing group. I’ve never done funny before, though I find myself quite entertaining (ha!), so this was also quite different, and again told in first person present.

After Christmas, I wasn’t quite ready to go back to the world of human trafficking, so I tried an NA contemporary. It’s about halfway finished. A little dark, but fun at the same time. It’s possible.

I have starts on a YA horror, another YA dark contemporary, and two MG. I have a full year of writing ahead of me, and I love it.

Of course, I try to read in all these genres as much as possible as well. I’m doing a 2014 book to movie reading group, which is forcing me to step outside my normal reading, including a nonfiction (what?!?) and several titles I never would have considered otherwise.

I like to work out my reading and writing muscles as much as possible. After all, all perspectives inform others, and though I hope to never be stuck in one genre/category forever, I know I never want to lose that flexibility.

I recently resigned my position as a faculty member at a well-known online university. I actually taught classes at the local campus, and not online. I had never planned to do anything like that, teach college courses, but when they contacted me through Linked In, I was unable to pass up the challenge of trying something new, just to see if I could. It was an annoyingly long process to become faculty, and loads of work. But I did it.

I really enjoyed teaching. Even though preparing for classes was hours worth of (mostly underappreciated) work, the interaction with the students, seeing them grasp concepts during discussion, and just stepping out of my comfort zone into something new was fabulous. I never saw myself as a “teacher,” and certainly not expert enough to be considered knowledgeable enough to teach at a college level. I have always been slightly terrified of public speaking, so it was also intimidating in that sense.

But then came the papers. I tried. I really did. I tried to impart what I could on the students, and remember that they were still in their undergraduate schooling. And I think it would have been fine…if they had been the least bit willing to learn. Some were, but the vast majority were…I can’t think of a nice way to say they acted like spoiled children.

These students would not show up to class, or take any of my suggestions, or take my offer of help, and then when they received their low grades (which were actually higher than they should have been in many cases), they complained to me. They were suddenly worried that they wouldn’t get the credits, or that they would have to retake the class. After how many weeks of me trying to help them, they didn’t say anything until final grades were posted, and then they weren’t asking for help so much as demanding a grade change, because they paid for that grade, dammit. Except they didn’t. They paid for an education. They CHOSE how to use what they were given.

I see that same attitude in writers sometimes. The vast majority of writers I have met are incredible people. Smart, funny, and some of the kindest people in existence. But then there are those that feel they are entitled to things. They are the ones who badmouth agents who reject them. Who assume that their work is perfect and that they need help from no one else. Who are unwilling to put the work in that is needed to accomplish their goals.

I think we’re all guilty of that sometimes. It’s hard to take criticism, or accept help. Writers, by nature, are generally an independent breed, happy to be alone and do things on our own. I know there are times when I don’t want to send my work off to my CPs, because what if they want me to change things and IT’S PERFECT HOW IT IS THANKYOUVERYMUCH.

If teaching taught me anything about writing, it’s that everyone can use help. Everyone can benefit from the expertise of someone who has been doing this longer. And the only possible outcome is a better product, and an expansion of knowledge not possible alone.

We all get by with a little help from our friends 😉

I have a confession to make.

I kinda sorta a little bit hate New Year’s. I don’t hate THE New Year, I just don’t always appreciate all that comes with it. All the reflection over the past year. The regrets. The coulda/shoulda/wouldas. The assertion that nothing that happened last year matters, and THIS year, 2014, is going to be better, the best.

All because we flip a calendar.

Don’t get me wrong. I think reflection is fabulous. In fact, I probably overindulge in it. Reflections over the dessert I made for the party. Did people like it? Reflections over the conversation I had with a supervisor. Did I sound professional? Reflections over the cute guy sitting across the coffee shop. Did he wink at me? Should I go over there? What will we name our kids?

So maybe I overthink things…

But shouldn’t we be reflecting all year? Shouldn’t we regularly be looking for ways to improve ourselves, if there are things we wish were different? Shouldn’t we stop asking rhetorical questions and start acting on them already?

One of the commentators (is that a word?) on one of the New Year’s Eve specials last night made a comment about how now that 2013 is over, we can forget about it, start over, make a clean slate as if none of it ever happened. I suppose that’s a great idea in theory if you had a rough year. But it is practical? (Sorry, another rhetorical question.)

For me, 2013 was just another year. There were some very good things that happened, and some less than stellar things. But everything that happened during 2013 shaped who I am now. I learned so much about writing and the publishing world, and, honestly, about myself. Why would I want to let that all go just to “start fresh?” The worst things in life often teach us the most.

I do have hopes and dreams and goals for the new year. But they aren’t contingent upon that magical flip from December 31 to January 1. They are the same goals I had a week ago. The same hopes and dreams I’ve had for much longer than that.

I’m not trying to rain on anyone’s parade. (Speaking of which, I missed the parade this morning. My bed needed me.) If you love New Year’s and everything that goes with it, the top 10 lists, the resolutions, the confetti and glitter and pomp, then I’m glad for you. If this is where your starting point needs to be, then more power to you, and I hope it goes well for you. As for me, just call me the Scrooge of the New Year. Again, the “holiday,” not the actual year.

In fact, I plan on being quite cheerful this year. Let’s call that my resolution. If I believed in doing that sort of thing. 😉

Happy New Year, folks.

Ahhh, Christmas. Time for family and food, presents and celebrating. If you’re church-goin’ folk, like me, a time to reflect on the “true” meaning of Christmas, the reason we celebrate it at all.

I live in the same town as my sister, so I get to see my nieces fairly frequently. My parents were visiting for Christmas from Minnesota, so we spent a lot of time with my sister’s family. I noticed my six year old niece, Allie, was having a pretty hard time with some things. She would get upset very easily. I could tell she was trying so hard, but she was just having a rough go of it. At one point, after leaning too close to her sister’s marker-making kit and ending up with new blue freckles, she lost it and declared that she was not having a very good day.

“But, Allie,” I said. “You were so excited about all your presents! Show me your sticker maker again!”

Allie cheered up and worked on making some stickers. After a while, she looked at me. “I’m pretty jealous of Maddy’s marker-maker,” she admitted. “And her bungee chair.” Her lip trembled, and tears filled her beautiful blue eyes. Ahh. Now we were at the heart of the issue.

While she was very excited about her presents, Allie coveted what her sister had as well. Totally normal behavior for a six year old. “I want what I want and also what you have.” She used to be a lot worse, and I told her I was proud of her for being able to identify and admit why she was having such a rough day. We talked about all the cool things that Allie got, and today was a little better…of course, Maddy’s birthday is in a couple of weeks, and then we’ll start all over again 😉

I think it’s pretty normal for us to want what others have, whether we’re six years old, or twenty-six, or eighty-six! When we’re young we want the toys the other kids have, when we’re in our teens and twenties we want the cars/boyfriends/careers/children that our peers have. When we’re older…well, I haven’t gotten there yet, but I’m sure there are always things that we covet.

And you know what? I think it’s okay to admit that. Sometimes, like with Allie, I think it’s necessary to admit that. I have had days when I have no idea why I’m feeling so gross or crabby or stabby. Once I figure out, oh, yeah, another friend got engaged last night, and while I’m super psyched for them, I’m also a bit jealous, I’m able to work through it and move on.

How do I work through it? The best way is by reminding myself of all the things I DO have. I’m incredibly blessed, you guys. My family is amazing, I have a great job, and some of the best friends in existence. And that’s all gravy. Down to the very basics, I have shelter, I have a car to drive, I have enough money to survive (even if it doesn’t always feel that way!), I have clean drinking water and a soft place to lay my head each night.

I think I still spend too much time being jealous. This year especially I have added writer’s jealousy to my list. This friend got a request. That friend wrote the most amazing manuscript. This person got a book deal! And while I celebrate with them and shoot off the confetti cannons and really am genuinely happy, there is always that twinge of jealousy that sneaks in if I’m not paying attention.

In the end, while being jealous is inevitable, it’s also counter-productive. And unpleasant. So when it gets out of hand, I take a step back. I go offline. I read a book. I call a friend. I take myself to a movie. Almost always, I feel better when I return, refreshed and ready to be truly excited for whatever someone else has accomplished.

And I keep going. Because anything worth being jealous over must be worth the work it takes to get there. And if they can do it, so can I.